Let's just say that in the brief time that I knew you, you had a profound impact on my feelings towards fatty fish. Other than that, I think there is little notable about our interaction. Oh, and you taught me not to appear as smart as I am because it makes people uncomfortable. I will henceforth pay little attention to what someone is saying to me and pretend that basic math is not one of my strong suits. My social life and cardiovascular system say thank you.

This is just getting ridiculous

Look here. I ordered a deranged cat that would functionally murder any semblance of the social life I currently enjoy. And what did I get? A motor skills challenged high school classmate in my 5:45 yoga class on Wednesdays. There is a reason I have not spoken to this individual since the day we graduated. And his lack of flexibility and miraculously warped sense of balance is extremely distracting when I am trying to focus on my intuition. First the Square, then my block, then my cafe, my restaurant and now my yoga studio? Are you serious?! Please return to sender immediately. I refuse to pay for shipping and handling.

To-do

I really need an anti-social feline to go with my new bicycle and cookbook obsession. Preferably one that will eat my entire herb garden in one day and vomit it all back up, in various places around my carpeted apartment, before I get home from work. It would also be nice if this animal had various health problems that made it impossible to give away or set loose on the family farm without a profound sense of guilt. And they should be uncommon ailments, like cat eczema or an allergy to pet dander. A combination of both would be perfect. Yes, that is exactly what I need to go with my Allegra McEvedy cookbook. That, and some fresh sardines.