New Rules

From here on out all people will be judged based on the shape and quality of their eyebrows. I have a whole complex theory about personality traits correlated to eyebrow structure and I think I just proved causality. Take case study #7, for example. Man in his mid 20s with sparse, poorly shaped arches, lacking all definable color and structure. Consequently, he possesses a weak personality and insatiable need to be defined and validated by others. In case study #19 we learned that women with overly arched brows are overly arch people. This revelation was verified by case studies #13 and #5. The eyebrow/disposition relationship seems to be as valid a manner of judging people as any other. And besides, I like eyebrows. They are the backbone of the face. So I guess if you have weak eyebrows, your face is lacking a backbone. Sad.

Also, I have entered a new phase of my life, and since my life phases are largely defined by the foods I eat, this new phase is going to be dubbed the sandwich phase of my life. Because right now I'm on track to eat close to two sandwiches everyday. They are so goooood.

Brief list of things that should cease to exist

• Creative pet grooming
• People who creatively groom their pets

Next Year

I predict that next year I will live alone, with a robin's egg blue bicycle I have named Doris. I will store Doris in my small living room, which will be completely devoid of furniture save for the 1970s vintage swivel chair I bought from St. Vincent De Paul when I was 20 years old. The cat that I will find or buy by this time next year will be black or gray; she will be female and I will name her Wallis, but I will always refer to her as Moo-Moo. This is a habit I developed at age 5 which I cannot seem to rid myself of. The hobbies I will have will mostly consist of crocheting, writing poetry, cooking, playing various obscure sports and noticing the small details about people that no one else ever notices. I will eat string cheese in my 1970s vintage chair as Wallis stares at me petulantly and I will wonder where all the other people like me are. At this point I will realize the others are doing what I am doing; sitting in their own thrift store chairs, eating their own cheese, being glared at by their own cats. I will resolve to go out and find these others, and their chairs and cheese and cats. However, instead I will sit in my apartment and tell Wallis about the man I will meet who will spend Sundays counting my freckles and telling me stories about his life as a boy.

Just in case you were not paying attention here is the recap of the awesome things happening this weekend:

1. Friday, May 13th: Friday the 13th; prepare to be brutally murder in a unnecessarily creative manner.If you're lucky you may be the sole survivor. If you are blonde, female, attractive, a minority, over the age of 30 or a child, you will not be the sole survivor.
2. Saturday, May 14th: My birthday, otherwise known as the official holiday celebrating my birth. My cousin is also graduating from college on this day.
3. Sunday, May 15th: The Milton St house graduation party, otherwise known as disaster waiting to happen. It will be epic, and few will likely remember it. 
4. Monday, May 16th: Furlough day; the day to go to the beach and lay in the sun too long. 

Ah yes, this is going to be a glorious weekend indeed. 

Social Science

The men of the Social Science building have constructed a partition that completely surrounds the largest lecture hall in the building. They have banned entrance into the area under construction. Today I saw a man in a hard hat exit the construction zone carrying a large folding banquet table. I am 97% certain they are throwing a huge, 4 month long party in there. The table definitely proves it. I guess that explains the sounds of 50 Cent and Lady Gaga that have been wafting through the halls.